I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
