to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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