I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
