gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
