All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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