Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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