I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
