it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
