yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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