If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
