Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
