he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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