And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
