Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
