I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
