she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
