she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
