Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
