I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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