Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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