Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
