So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
