I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize