my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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