I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
