JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
