he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So vagazzling was a success
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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