I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
