Plan B is the new Plan A
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
