I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
