She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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