I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
