I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
