oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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