I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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