Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
40s are totally the cure
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
