She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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