I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
