yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
