The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
