Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
