Barsexuality is the new black.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
