I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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