If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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