someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
