I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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