Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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