My friends, they love my intelligence
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
