So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
