Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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