I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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