Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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