New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
