i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
