i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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