Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
