I skipped work to stalk him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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