I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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