rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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