so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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