My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
