Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
