so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
