You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
